could not be better

this picture will blow you focking away http://www.imageshadow.com/view.php?image=Ungaro_fsh_F8_063302106_1.jpg




i have the perfect life

everything everybody would ever want


the fact that i complain and

think things are hard is disturbing and disgusting

i hate that worse

i'm quite ashamed


i really appreciate my life which i was wholly unable to do 2 months ago, appreciate.

really, though. i have never known anybody who had a better life than me.
then i added self-confidence and social comfort and now, what's wrong?
nothing.
if i tell myself guilt isn't worth it and i only need d's to get this degree i won't have this pent up guilt on my quasimodo neck all the time [that's all school ever gave me].

i think people aren't capable of feeling grateful.


most things i ponder go back to conditioning. the women's rights thing, etc.
we grow up ONLY learning to be unhappy, not accept, not be proud enough, despise our 'flaws.' um hi what's a flaw? how is something 'wrong'? that's such bullshit.
people being serious and not loving the world and their life
has made me this way
it's so sickening

we have the potential to be 100% happy and help everything be positive and new and special in the world but instead WHAT we will ourselves to have bad feelings and opinions and follow stressors rather than ignoring them!!!!!!!!!!!


we need to fucking stop this shit has got to END. NOW.


i'm serious!!! it will be fucking abusive to raise children among these people who feel and perpetuate these ways of thinking!!!!

stojiljkovic

http://www.imageshadow.com/view.php?image=Milano_moc_F8_081286240_1.jpg

http://imageshadow.com/view.php?image=Untitled_1296898_1.jpg

my new dream girl

the joke was on me. i finally died which started the whole world living.

Osteoporosis is a systemic skeletal disorder characterized by decreased bone mass and deterioration of bony microarchitecture

real complicated life is too much for me

i'm the weakest

supermodel

маша новоселова

directed and made

why would i not want want to live here?

reminds me of yale :'(

that building by the pee statue

or here??

would it be worth going back to school?

i think so.

even for 4+ years? god, that's brutal.

i'm almost throwing up while updating this.

a london journalist used this picture in his article about damien hirst's the physical impossibility of death in the mind of someone living moving to the met in new york. it was weeks before this shark was thrown away and replaced by a new one. why use this picture then? agh. its almost fully decomposed.

i'm gagging.

looking at these irresolute pictures is making me so terrified to the point of almost puking. i will never believe i stood face to face with this thing for hours. i only got used to it after like 45 minutes of standing there. but when i go back i will be unable to go in the room with it again. it's going to take more this time to get me in the room. last time i still had depakote anti-anxiety medication in my system which mutes my phobias from giving me harsh reactions to the things i'm phobic of.

oh god i'm hyperventilating really badly seeing this last picture at a glance. my stomach is spasming. i've never been so terrified in my life i have to stop looking at shark pictures. i can't explain this feeling. imagine a black widow crawling on you in the dark. omgod this is so painful.

oh my god

apparently i have to take anti-anxiety medication before i go back in the met.

and apparently i can't shark-cage dive unless i'm on anti-anxiety medication. ooohhh this is so discontenting.

there. god helps those who love, apparently.

i can't edit the entry or read it because i'm having an anxiety attack.

this has never happened to me before in the response to pictures. only to dark water and boats and ships before i sank low enough to seek clinical help.

now i remember having a freak out like this with the stomach spasms too when i was rowing a boat in a harbor next to bigger boats.

omgod it's the worst worst feeling ever besides guilt. omgod aahhh phobias suck.

last year on meds i went ON a sunken ship. thats how much meds do. i can't explain it.

how crazy are people

i'm going to grow up to be a fireman and marry a businessman and have three kids in a suburb and feed them hot dogs and chicken tenders
because that is so normal

my dad left a message on my phone today saying
"i read in la weekly that jared leto put on 60 pounds to play john lennon's killer in 27 hours!"
so my family clearly knows my obsessions well. but doesn't acknowledge the details of what i talked incessantly about doing on my day off last week.

tomorrow i'm going to lecture at 9:30 then outlining my animal rights research paper then going to russian class then meeting with my advisor about registration then going to food writing class.

i wrote mark a letter for my food class
maybe i need to make it a habbit

not that mark!
this mark!

raw broccoli,

don't tell me you didn't see that coming

i haven't eaten all of it and i guess the refridg is still sick so it's here

i'll eat it tomorrow

i was going to get one of these in december 2006 so i could have a fashion blog but blogger wasn't letting me register

i have had a livejournal since i was like 12 but it's very personal so ask if you want the url

pieces