I was 15, when I left home for ever. When I was a child I didn’t think about the next day, I wasn’t responsible for anything, I lived with my parents and elder brother in Sierpc, a small town near Warsaw. My mum says that I was full of energy and quite loud as a child. I associate my childhood with holiday that I used to spend near my hometown and lake where I used to swim all the time. When I think about those times I see warm water, I hear my laugh, I feel the taste of strawberries. I used to eat them with literally everything: with bread for breakfast, with noodles for dinner, with whipped cream for dessert. My American boyfriend Duncan can’t understand how someone can eat strawberries with bread and I try to explain him that for me it’s something more than a weird sandwich.
I used to like wear up my mum’s clothes. My favorite play was having shop with clothes. I used to buy every magazine about fashion, and when FTV appeared I was like hypnotized while I was watching models on runway. My favorite ones were Eva Herzigova and Natalia Vodianova. I met the latter at Balenciaga show in Paris. She walked as the first, I was second. We talked like it always happens backstage: where are you from, what do you think about the clothes… Natalia is warm, nice and open. I couldn’t imagine that the distant world I used to watch in TV one day would become a part of my life.
What I don’t like in the job of a model is lack of intimacy. During the preparation for the fashion show you’re surrounded by twenty people. They do your hair, makeup, put the clothes on you, it’s difficult to go to the toilet. When we change our clothes no one leaves. At home I wasn’t comfortable when I was taking my clothes off near my mum, now at work I do the same next to the crowd of strangers. I often feel there’s no space, it’s hard to breath. People are surprised when I’m saying that sometimes I don’t know what I’m wearing on the catwalk. During the shows I rarely see bottom part of my body – models don’t watch themselves in mirrors backstage. Other people put he clothes on you and everyone is in a hurry. Only on photos I can see myself fully.
Teenagers dream about being a model, so did I. During my first year in junior high I persuaded my mum to go with me to a casting I Warsaw. I met there Maciek Lisowski who is nowadays my agent and good friend. He knew from the start that I fit for the job of model and then everything happened very fast. They offered me two-month contract in Japan. My parents wondered whether they should accept this proposition, but finally my determination convinced them. My dream trip turned out to be a shock for me. It seemed I was on the other planet. In Japan nothing was similar not only to my home but also to Europe. I was scared, lonely and disorientated. Once, I got lost in Osaka. I needed to go to a model agency, but I couldn’t find the right way nor ask about it. So I was standing and crying. Finally a Japanese woman approached me, I showed her the address and she led me to the right door holding my hand.
Beauty is only a half of the success, then you need strong nerves. Newspapers and magazines write only about caprices and funny life of a few top models, so hardly nobody realizes that without patience and humility even the most talented girl won’t achieve any success. You need patience because in this job you’re always waiting: during the fittings, shows, at airports. At least, at airport you can read a book or listen to iPod. Mostly I listen to the music, from Beyonce and hip-hop to B.B. King, but I have also texts for the meditation when I need to get calm. At job, when you’re waiting it’s inappropriate turning on your iPod – you have to be ready all the time and don’t make the impression of being bored. Positive attitude is crucial. I smile even when I have five shows per day, at night two fittings, and the next day I get up at 6 am. It’s important to have an ability of conducting a nice conversation to gain the opinion of a likeable and cooperative person. When I was 16, I was so afraid that I would have nothing to talk about with all of those photographers and stylists, who were much older than me and self-confident. I was also quite ashamed by my poor English. Nowadays I have no problems with talking to others. All you need is to ask about a movie, comment on the weather and it goes.
When I meet famous people I try to observe them and guess why they are so successful. I adore working with Steven Meisel, a legendary fashion photographer. His imagination and ability of transforming his visions into a pictures fascinates me. In addition he gives me a comfort: his delicate, never speaks up. He’s just a very polite person and great artist. Because the very same reasons my favorite designer is Nicolas Ghesquiere. Nice and humble, regardless his talent and great clothes he creates. Nicolas is very likeable and full of positive energy. I saw Anna Wintour in her office, but it was a short meeting. She looked through my portfolio, asked where am I from. Her employees treat her with great respect – it’s easy to notice. Anna can convince others that she knows better, she has huge authority. After a few years of observing fashion industry, I think that all those extravagancies people like to talk about are only part of the truth. 80 % of the success is a hard work, which you have to do to get to the top.
I love Duncan. My boyfriend was born in California. In new York he worked in music industry, now he studies business and political science. When he first time asked me for a date, I was quite nervous about my English – I could communicate well at work, but the perspective of an intimate conversation, when you want to present yourself the best you can was stressful. But from the beginning I felt so comfortable and safely with Duncan, and we couldn’t stop talking. I thought: “Gosh, he’s so fine and normal!” I liked the fact he didn’t ask those stupid questions: how much do you earn and can you take the clothes from the shows with you. He’s not a snob, he’s interested in my profession only because of me. He has positive attitude towards life. When I come back home and I’m exhausted, he says: “Don’t complain, now you’re with me, you can relax”. He came to Poland once, for last Christmas. Unfortunately there was no snow, and, in addition, he was scared by the northern pike (a fish) without eyeballs, whom my mum served for Christmas Eve dinner. I would love to bring him to Poland when the weather is beautiful.
I worry about other people’s opinion. I care about every unfavorable opinion, regardless the fact now I am more self-assured than I used to be in the beginning of my career. It hurts when I sometimes hear some rumors or nasty comments. It’s irritating when you’re coming in a room full of people and they’re observing you carefully. Suddenly I’m nervous, I loose my good mood. I know, I should be more distanced. I’ve learnt avoid people, who want to know me only because they’re impressed by luxury represented by the world of fashion. I’m aware of flatterers that agree with every my words, delighted by my looks. I recognize little lies and manipulation. I know that you can’t trust this kind of people, because they care only about themselves.
New York is my home, I can’t imagine other one. I’ve been living here for 5 years and I hope I’m going to stay here forever. When I come back from a trip and get in a yellow cab I know I’m a part of the city. First steps were difficult: I was getting lost in the underground and I was overwhelmed by the distances. Nowadays I rent an apartment on the 4th floor in the building in Upper West Side in Manhattan. I spare money for buying something, preferably in the neighborhood. I have my favorite tea shop Alice-T Cup nearby. It’s always full of children, so the atmosphere there is familial. I love New York during winter, because the city is the most beautiful during that time. Recently we went with Duncan to the Central Park. It was dark, empty with the light of the lamps and snow falling from the sky. I felt like in a fairy tale. I’m quite concerned I’m not using all of the opportunities that I have here. I could learn pottery, photography, or play the piano. But I watch passionately movies. I don’t choose the Hollywood , I prefer independent films. I think it would be great play in such productions…
I’m still not planning my future. I start my model career early and I hope I’m going to stay in the industry for the next couple of years. What’s next? We’ll see. Recently I think about opening a restaurant with organic food or raw food. It’s popular in the U.S.A, but in Poland no one got interested in this. Maybe I will fill the gap in the market?
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